


Devil May Kiss

by LasEstrellasdelPurgatorio



Series: ~~ Valentine's Day Collection of 2021! ~~ [4]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Dante and Lady are, Dante and Lady are Stubborn, F/M, For Amusement, Idiots in Love, Kyrie and Nero are way Smarter than them, Kyrie is SMOOTH, Nero and Kyrie are too sweet, Nero is not, Teasing, Trish being Chaotic, Trish is Shipping Trash, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LasEstrellasdelPurgatorio/pseuds/LasEstrellasdelPurgatorio
Summary: Stupid Cupid you're a real mean guyI'd like to clip your wings so you can't flyI'm in love and it's a crying shameAnd I know that you're the one to blame
Relationships: Dante & Lady & Trish (Devil May Cry), Dante & Trish (Devil May Cry), Dante/Lady (Devil May Cry), Kyrie/Nero (Devil May Cry), Lady & Trish (Devil May Cry)
Series: ~~ Valentine's Day Collection of 2021! ~~ [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142261
Kudos: 7





	Devil May Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!

Another day, another job done.

Another client trying to skip out on paying.

Well, at least this one tried something.

Even the sting of holy water’s better than boredom.

“-AND IF YOU DON’T PAY UP BY THE END OF THE DAY,” Nero yells at the client whose shirt his hands are currently fisted into, Devil Bringer providing a third, “OR YOU TRY TO SKIP OUT AND PULL THAT SHIT AGAIN, I AM GOING TO _FUCKING_ -”

_They will see, we’ll fight until eternity-_

Immediately dropping the poor guy to the ground, Nero reaches into his pocket and answers his phone.

“Hi Kyrie! ♥♥” He gushes, a light blush on his cheeks, eyes sparkling. “How are you today, sweetie? ♥♥”

Watching this, Dante and Trish decide to address the former target of Nero’s wrath.

“So yeah,” Dante pipes up. “You can head on home, man. Just send the money in the mail when you can, and don’t throw that stuff at us again, ‘kay?”

Nodding frantically, the client runs out as if possessed through the door Trish opened.

“Okay,” Dante starts to take stock, “So we got a debt collector now.”

“A sweet little cute one,” Trish agrees, pointing at their new hire. “Just listen to him.”

Taking her advice, Dante observes the lovesick puppy in it’s natural habitat: on the phone with his girlfriend.

“Uh-huh, yeah,” Nero sighs dreamily, “I’ll take care of that, don’t worry. It’s not any trouble at all! ♥♥”

“Hey kid,” Dante calls out. “I need you ta mop up after the jerk.”

“Screw off!” Nero refuses, covering his phone with his hand before placing it back towards his ear and bouncing back to being whipped for his girlfriend. “Sorry about that, what were you saying, Kyrie? Oh, don’t worry about the bathroom, I’ll clean it when I get home! I know you’re tired, it’s okay! I love helping you out! ♥♥ ”

“Maybe I should make a ‘No personal calls’ rule or somethin’.” Dante muses.

“Do that,” Trish responds, pointing a gun at him while she watches Nero on the phone with rapt attention, “And you’re going to be the _Daughter_ of Sparda.”

Rolling his eyes, Dante asks, “Why d’ya like watchin’ this so much?

Shrugging, she tells him, “Eh, sexual tension between stubborn idiots gets kind of annoying after a while. Sometimes we all need a little mushiness”

Confused, Dante tilts his head and asks, “Who’re your stubborn idiots?”

She just looks at him.

“What?”

“…”

“What?” He says again, slightly annoyed.

“Whatever,” Trish dismisses as she turns her head back to Nero. “I’m going back to my show.”

“Hmph.”

“Alright!” Nero finishes his call. “I’ll see you when I get home! I love you! ♥♥ …No, I love you more! No, you! Okay, we’ll finish this when we get home! Bye honey! ♥♥” Clicking off his phone, his smile dissipates as he turns back to see Trish and Dante staring at him. “What do you shitty old pervs want?”

“Hey!” Dante calls out, offended. “I’m like, six years older than you!”

“…”

“Shut up.”

“Whatever,” Nero dismisses. “You sure I can take tomorrow off?”

Waving his hand, Dante confirms, “Yeah, yeah. Business has been slow lately, so sure. Spend some quality time with your lady.”

“I mean, if something comes up-”

“We’ll be fine! We handled things without you for years! I’ve been runnin’ this shop since I was nineteen!”

“This place has been going since the 30’s?”

“You want me to change my mind?” Dante threatens coldly, a flash of warning in his eyes.

“Whatever,” Nero turns, “I’m going. See you Monday.” He heads out, closing the door behind him.

“Bye Nene!” Trish waves bye as she opens the door back so that he can hear her. “Have a good time!”

“Wear protection!” Dante adds.

Middle finger. Up.

He’s just too easy sometimes.

Heading back inside, the two settle back into their spots.

“Oh yeah,” Trish says in sudden realization. “Can I have tomorrow off too?”

“Hm?” Dante hums. “You got a date?”

“No,” Trish denies. “But I do have plans.”

Sighing, Dante puts down the magazine he was about to open and says, “Trish.”

“Yes?”

“Are you gonna play Cupid again?”

“Maybe.”

The playful smirk on her face says, “Absolutely.”

“And you remember what happened last time?”

“The cats regrew their fur.”

“Trish.”

“Patty got out of her test! So it was a good thing the school was blown up!”

“Trish.”

“Everyone had already left town by the time the doves invaded.”

“Trish.”

“It was fun!”

“And how did that fun end for you?”

“With satisfaction.”

“And Lady gagging you with a torpedo.”

“You’re just jealous I had a better time.” Crossing her arms, she looks away. “Besides, it would have worked out if Lady hadn’t ruined everything.”

“Oh?” Dante says, amused. “So if she hadn’t gotten involved, everything would have turned out fine?”

Raising her eyebrows in intrigue, “Do you wanna find out?”

“Ooh,” Dante smirks in excitement. “Is that a challenge I hear forming in your head, Beatrice?”

“I believe so, Durante.” Trish agrees, skin crackling with electricity in excitement.

“Well,” Dante smirks, fangs bared. “I think we could all use a little fun right now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah! Things have been way too dull around here! Work your chaotic magic, my sister from another mister!”

“Then will you seal our contract?” Trish asks boldly, sticking a hand out for Dante to take. “The streets will burn with passion, peace and quiet will be nothing more than a mere memory, Capulet City will be reborn in the flames brought about by my boredom!”

“YES!” Dante vehemently agrees, triggering without thinking, gripping her hand with such force Trish is surprised he doesn’t rip it off. “DO IT! I DON’T CARE HOW, JUST LIVEN THIS PLACE UP SOME, GIRL!”

“Then it’s settled.” Trish concludes. “Keep Lady occupied and I’ll show you wonders you never thought you’d experience.”

_SHAKE._

Hearing the door open, the two return to their previous positions instantaneously.

“I don’t know why,” Lady begins, “But I just felt the sharpest chill go down my spine.”

“Ah,” Dante comments as he flips through pages of bikini-clad vixens. “Probably just a little on edge with how slow things have been lately.”

“Maybe,” Lady agrees as she walks to the desk.

“Don’t get yourself too worked up,” Trish advises. “You might scare off your date tomorrow.”

“I oughta shoot you for saying shit like that.” Lady says without any real heat.

“Well,” Dante cuts in. “If you’re free then…”

Lady raises an eyebrow.

Trish smirks.

Hook, line, and sinker.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Oh,” Kyrie says softly as her and Nero walk down the street the next morning. “It sure is festive today.” Looking around, the streets have strung ribbons and balloons of pink, red and white across street poles, hearts as far as the eye can see. Shop windows have made disgustingly cute displays in hopes of attracting young lovers inside, many falling victim to seasonal raises in prices.

“Geez it’s crowded,” Nero mumbles to himself, reflexively trying to pull up his hood until remembering he didn’t wear one today after five seconds of grasping at air.

“It’s a bit similar to the festivals back on Fortuna. Except the people here are more…” Trailing off, she observes people swapping saliva and pressing each other into walls. “…Expressive.”

“That’s one way to put it.” Nero grumbles. “We should probably stay close- if that’s okay with you so we don’t, you know get lost- or if you want I could just call you, ‘cause we have phones or- which you know ‘cause you have one, it’s orange and it’s nice- I mean-!”

Giggling, Kyrie says, “I agree.” And slips her hand into his.

A jolt of electricity shoots all the way up Nero’s body, his face becoming a beaming red.

“Ky-Kyrie!”

“Now we’ll stay together easier!” She declares with a smile.

“But-t-t! You picked the- the hand with the-!” Darting his eyes around, he mouths, “Creepy demon claw!”

“As long as you don’t squeeze too tightly, it should be fine, right?”

“Well yeah, but-! I don’t know what’s too tight!”

“Oh,” Kyrie says in almost genuinely sounding concern, “You’re right! You don’t know! Well, I suppose we’ll have to experiment.”

“Experiment?”

“We’ll just have to hold hands all day so that you can get used to the right grip strength!” She says confidently with a smile, eyes closing in happiness.

While Nero shrieks internally, red from head to toe.

“Well?”

“…Kyrie.”

“Yes?”

Sinking to a huddle on the ground, Nero moans, “Why do you do this to me?” Face a flustered inferno, unable to look up at anything.

Kyrie only giggles.

_Click!_

Shooting to attention, Nero and Kyrie look at their wrists and see a pair of fuzzy red handcuffs attaching them to each other.

Eyes widened, they look ahead to see Trish before them in a trench coat.

“Hi.” She waves cheekily.

“…I don’t know what you’re planning today,” Nero begins. “And I’m not sure I want to, but if you get us involved in it, I will hang you by your hair in the woods and watch coyotes gnaw on your corpse.”

“Nero!” Kyrie scolds.

“Kyrie, she handcuffed us!”

“Well, we shouldn’t be rude about it!”

“Uh, I think I have the right, considering, y’know, she handcuffed us!”

“We both know I’ve done worse to you, Nene,” Trish says nonchalantly.

“What do you even want you old hag?!”

“I’m just getting a little excitement out before the main event,” Trish says, crossing her arms behind her head. “Also, if you like pissing out the front, you won’t call me that again.”

“Look,” Nero says as he tries to remain in control of himself, “Just let us out, I don’t give a shit what you want to do today, it’s my day off. You can do whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t involve us. So let us go, and I won’t chase you down and stuff all that lipstick you bought last week up your ass.”

“Nero!” Kyrie scolds. “Threatening isn’t getting us anywhere, so let’s try something else.” Turning to Trish, Kyrie begins, “Miss Trish, we would like to ask you to remove these handcuffs. We do not wish to be a part of whatever chaos you most likely want to inflict upon the city today and we have our own plans today, so please let us go.”

Thinking it over, Trish sighs and complies. “Fine, these weren’t for you anyway.”

“Then who were they for?” Kyrie asks.

“Do you really care?”

“Well…”/“No.” Kyrie and Nero answer at the same time. When Kyrie gives him a look, Nero shrugs and tells her, “It’s not like anyone’s gonna die.”

“Well I’m gonna continue on my merry little way,” Trish says. “You too have fun!” She chirps, turning and waving goodbye as she walks away.

“Well,” Kyrie starts, “That was-”

“She’s up to something.” Nero interrupts.

“Obviously.”

“…Did you…” Nero trails off. “Do you…think we should cancel? In case the city gets destroyed.”

Mulling it over in her head, Kyrie eventually says, “Well…we already put a lot of money down on that table, and it’s like anyone’s gonna die…” She trails off, pointing some doe eyes at him and crossing her arms behind her back.

Shaking his head fondly, he says slightly teasingly, “If only people knew this side of you.”

“If they did, then I think they would a little more apprehensive of the girl who faked being sick to go sneak out with you to look for dead bodies in the woods.”

A light blush on his face, Nero tells her, “Well I Iove her.”

A kiss on the nose makes him break out into a smile.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“And so now,” Dante continues…whatever he was talking about. “I am a certified master of the arts of the masseur.” Waggling his eyebrows, he asks, “Want me to show you?”

“When pigs fly,” Lady dismisses as they walk down the street together. “So where are we going?”

“Well, since it’s not everyday we get to hang out without some big ugly tryin’ ta rip us ta shreds, I was thinkin’ we could finally get around ta takin’ that pottery class.”

“The one we’ve been blowing off for eleven years?”

“The one!” Dante confirms with a smile.

“Well, I do need a new centerpiece for my coffee table.”

“The one in your apartment at…”

“Nice try.”

“Damn.”

Chuckling, Lady flicks his nose.

“Alright,” Lady agrees. “You take care of the lessons, I’ll take you to Fredi’s. Hear they got some sort of à la mode special today.”

“Oooh,” Dante coos in amusement. “You spoil me, my dear.”

Turning her head away and, definitely not smiling, she begins to say, “Well…”

_BOOM!_

“Hmm?” Lady grunts, turning her head around. “What was-”

“And we’re going!” Dante interrupts, pushing Lady forward. “Let’s get to makin’ some pots!”

“But what was-”

“Probably someone gettin’ a little too bold, you know how it gets!”

“Dante-”

“Oooh! How ‘bout we ripoff _Ghost_?!”

_Clank!_

Gun pointed at his face, Dante looks Lady dead in the eyes as she demands, “Where’s Trish?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Humming to herself, Trish tosses glitter bombs from the rooftops without a care, zapping them while they fall down, causing explosions of pink, red and white to grace the public. As a cherry on top, the heart-shaped lighting bolts push couples to huddle closer together.

By now, Dante’s probably failed to keep Lady distracted, so she has about fifteen minutes before the world’s most stubborn woman finds her.

Plenty of time to get the plane going.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Wow,” Kyrie says as she inspects her plate. “I had no idea French food was this good!” Taking another bite of coq au vin, she moans in delight.

“Yeah,” Nero agrees between stuffing his face with bread and confit de canard. “All I ever heard growin’ up was that they ate snails.” Thinking for a bit, he adds, “Not that I can really judge.”

“You did eat ants during that job in Colombia.”

“Honestly, bug food gets a bad rap, those little picnic stealers taste great on pizza!”

Giggling nervously and wincing slightly, she says, “I’ll take your word for it.”

_CRASH!_

_“Oh my god! There’s a crazy woman shooting lightning bolts at people’s butts!”_

_“I don’t have actual arrows.”_

…

“Have you picked out what dessert you wanted yet?” Kyrie asks.

Making a whimpering noise, Nero says, “No! They all look good!”

Giggling at the face he makes, Kyrie takes pity. “I’m just kidding!” Pulling out her purse, she opens her wallet to show money bursting out. “I’ll take care of dessert, feel free to get everything!”

“…”

“Nero, are you crying?”

“I love you so much.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“TRISH!” Lady yells at the devil shooting lightning bolts at people. “What are you doing?!”

“Shooting lightning at people,” Trish replies. “Duh.”

“Well knock it off!” Lady demands. “Someone’s gonna get hurt!”

“First,” Trish starts calmly. “If I wanted to hurt someone, we’d already have a street full of charbroiled sweethearts. And second…” Ripping off her coat, Trish unveils a short toga held together by heart clamps, small enough for her womanhood to be seen with a gust of wind. One breast is left exposed, the nipple barely concealed by her hair. “I have a sacred duty today, one that cannot be held back by others’ antiquated sense of ‘common decency.’”

“TRISH!” Dante yells while Lady’s stunned by Trish’s sheer audacity. “Is that my Valentine’s Day toga?! You said wolverines stole it!”

“And I still can’t believe you bought that.” His partner snarks.

“ANYWAY!” Lady cuts in. “The point is, this is stupid! Trish, get down!”

“…Fine.”

_WHOOM!_

As the _Devil May Fly_ (which is NOT a waste of money at all, Nero) buzzes on by, Trish jumps and lands herself in. Continuing her campaign of mischief, she begins throwing flowers out, the pilot zipping them far out from Lady’s field of view.

“…”

“…”

“Dante.”

“Yeah?”

“You were on distraction duty, weren’t you?”

“Yup.”

_BANG!_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

As they park their gondola in the middle of the lake, Nero and Kyrie breathe and take in the moment. Sighing contently, Kyrie leans on Nero’s chest, making the boy’s face erupt in a blush.

 _So close!_ Is the only thought that can stay formed in his head.

“This is so nice,” Kyrie says, nuzzling against him.

“Y-yeah.” He stutters.

“Shhh,” she advises, feeling his rapid heartbeat. “Just breathe, and enjoy nature.”

“Okay…”

Birds are chirping.

The air is fresh, the scent of rain still lingering a bit.

Her skin is warm.

He sets his breaths to match her heartbeat.

Dante rushes by on a speedboat while Lady shoots at Slutty Cupid Trish in the plane that’s taking 35% of their paychecks to keep.

“HEY KIDS!” Dante calls out as he speeds by. “HAVE FUN!” As he leaves their earshot, they think they hear, _“YOU COULDN’T SEE IT, BUT I WAS WINKING!”_

Seeing them, Trish tosses a collection of blue rose petals in their direction.

“Oh wow,” Kyrie says softly. “They’re beautiful.”

Swallowing, Nero steels himself and says with as much confidence as he can muster, “Not as beautiful as you.”

She smiles divinely at that.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Okay!” Lady calls. “The plane is down!”

“You’re payin’ me back for it!” Dante tells her as they run to the sight of the crash.

“Oh?” Lady teases. “And what’ll it cost me?”

“That’s gonna be your next three paychecks!”

“Settle for dinner and a movie?” She teases as she runs ahead.

Smiling as soon as he knows she can’t see, he says quietly, “I’ll consider it.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Heading into the dance studio after getting the pilot to safety, Trish weaves her way expertly through the group preparing for a salsa lesson.

Things are getting spicy.

…

Okay, that was bad.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

While they look for a spot in the park concert, Nero and Kyrie realize they left their blanket at the apartment.

“Oh,” Kyrie moans in disappointment.

“Don’t worry!” Nero declares. Heading over to the crashed waste of Dante’s money, he pulls out a bag from the pilot’s seat. “Dante keeps a spare blanket in here in case he needs a nap.”

“Oh good!” Kyrie acknowledges as they set it up.

Sitting down to hear some string music, Nero hesitantly lays his head on her lap.

She kisses his forehead and strokes his hair.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“She went in here!” Lady declares as she pulls open the dance studio’s doors. “Come on!”

“Wait!” Dante stops her. “We need to blend in so we don’t mess up the groove!”

“Really?!”

“Don’t think you can handle it?” He teases.

To that, she grabs and spins him.

“Your move.” She implores.

Rising to the challenge, he pulls her close and leads, matching her footwork like a mirror.

When she squeezes closer, he can’t let it pass. “Oooh, is my irrepressible charm finally wearing you down, beautiful?”

Dipping him, she snorts, “In your dreams, loverboy.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It’s all coming together.

“TRISH!” Lady screeches as her and Dante reach the rooftop, Kalina Ann at the ready. “Whatever you’re about to do, no!”

“And give me back my toga!” Dante demands.

“But it looks better on me,” Trish defends.

While Dante gasps at the accusation, Lady marches over and pulls Trish down by the Greek traditional wear. “This ends now!”

“Not yet.” Trish smirks as she presses the button on a detonator she was hiding behind her back.

_Click…click…_

“GET DOWN!” Dante yells in a rare act of concern, tackling Lady to the ground.

“Oof!”

_CLICK!_

A flash goes off.

From the camera set up on the roof.

“…What the…”

“What?” Trish says relaxed. “I’m not allowed to take a picture of your date?”

“…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Lady screeches as her and Dante shoot back up, glaring at her (with no redness on their cheeks, mind you). “This whole thing was just you playing matchmaker?!”

“Yup.” Trish confirms bluntly. “And you two took the bait hook, line, and sinker.”

“You dirty little vixen.” Dante admonishes.

“Well someone had to do something to keep you two from sitting at home being miserable all day,” Trish defends.

“Well congratulations,” Dante says as he readies Rebellion. “Too bad you’re not gonna be sittin’ for awhile.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

As they look at the stars, Kyrie asks the question that’s been on her mind.

“Nero?”

“Yeah?” He says back.

“You’ve been…different lately.”

“Huh?” Propping himself up on his arm, he asks, “What’re you talking about?”

“It’s not bad, it’s just that…Before everything that happened you didn’t really like to do stuff like this in public.” Looking him in the eyes, she continues, “You didn’t say you loved me so much, and whenever you did something for me, you tried to look like you didn’t care.”

Looking to the ground in…shame? Nero eventually says, “That was…I was dumb.”

“Hm?”

“I was…I thought I was trying to look cool, but that wasn’t it. And when all that shit went down and that bastard had you, I just…”

Putting a hand on his chest, Kyrie gives him a gentle look of encouragement.

Taking a breath, he continues, “I couldn’t stop thinking ‘Kyrie’s gonna die, Kyrie could die and I never told her how much I love her.’”

“I always knew.” She reassures him.

“It doesn’t matter,” he dismisses, “The point is, I never wanted there to be a day where you doubted how much I cared about you.” Looking her straight in the eyes, he finishes, “I swore to myself that if we made it through that, I was going to make sure you knew how I much I love you for the rest of our lives.”

“Nero…”

“Kyrie…”

Their lips touch, soft and gentle.

After they break away, happy smiles on their faces, Kyrie remembers, “Oh! Wait just a second!” As she goes into her bag.

“Uh…”

“Here it is!” She declares as she produces a purple box with a red ribbon on it.

“You got me something?”

“Open it!” She encourages, placing it in his hands.

Doing as she says, he undoes the bow and lifts the lid off.

Inside, there’s a silver necklace with two wings pointed in different directions with a small red gem in the center, hung on a black string.

“Now we both have wings!” She declares happily, clutching her own necklace. “Do you like it?”

“…It’s great.” He confirms, smiling. “Thank you, Kyrie.”

Smiling herself, she gets up and moves to be behind him. “Let me put it on you!” She requests, taking it from his offering hand.

Once it’s on, he slips Devil Bringer into her hand and gives a gentle squeeze.

They smile at each other, then turn back to the stars.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

At Fredi’s, Lady delivers.

The sundae is filled with strawberries, brownie pieces and chocolate hearts.

“Will you be my Valentine?” Dante asks his ice cream.

Rolling her eyes, Lady takes a bite of her own. “I swear, one day Trish is going to piss off the wrong person, and she’s going to die.”

“Ehh,” Dante shrugs as he digs in. “She keeps things interesting.”

“Well sometimes, I need a break from interesting.”

“That’s gonna be hard, considering you’re you.”

“Oh?” Lady says in amusement. “So I’m interesting to you?”

Smiling slightly, Dante simply says, “I didn’t say you weren’t.”

“Well then I won’t say you aren’t either.”

He chuckles at that.

A pig flies.

Wait, what?

Outside their window someone is lifting a pig from the roof and moving it like it’s flying.

“…So you want that massage?” Dante asks.

Lady laughs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pulling the pig back up, Trish hands her back to her owner.

“Thank you!” She tells them.

“Good luck with your stubborn friends!” He wishes her.

Well, she did as much as she could.

Getting up, rubbing her sore tush, she observes her happy friends for a bit before heading out.

Looks like her job here is done.

Twirling the handcuffs on her finger, it’s time to go have her own fun.


End file.
